January 27th, 2009

A New Outfit for Niki

Staring through the opening of the double bathroom doors I caught a glimpse of Little Z in his Sunday finest. I had told daddy that his shirt was hanging in the closet so I couldn’t help but sigh when I saw what he was wearing. There draped over his little stocky body was a giant plaid shirt just grazing his ankles. It was Little Brown Eyes shirt he was wearing that almost completely engulfed his little form. Didn’t daddy notice? Plus it was a wrinkled mess.   Not only was it three sizes too big but it looked like it had been pulled out of the bottom of the laundry basket.


Yelling up the stairs at my husband that our two year old was swimming in a size 5T button up shirt he yelled back down that I had told him it was in the closet. Humored I yelled back that three little boys shared the same room so therefore three little boys shirts hung in the closet. His response back was simply that he had gotten the shirt from the closet where I had said it would be.


Stripping him down to his jeans I hauled the baby back up the stairs in search of the right size shirt for him to wear. My mornings, my days, well my everything had become this. This all consuming around the clock saturation of children. Heading toward the bedroom I saw husband was already all over the “right” shirt and I handed the chubby cherub to his daddy for an appropriate dressing. I was done with the baby at the moment…my make-up needed to be applied and my hair done if we were going to make it to church on time. 


Still grinning as I headed down the stairs I couldn’t help but think how my life had changed over the past two weeks.   Adding two older kids to our routine had been helpful and stressful all at the same time. The kids were great there was no doubt about it but I was still trying to find my footing in this new world. Cooking, cleaning, and laundry for eight was a full-time job and I had not had one second to myself since they had arrived. My neat and tidy family of four a year ago had exploded into an array of eight very different people acting as a mirror of my former self. Who had I become and would I ever find out who I was supposed to be?


Carefully applying my mascara I pondered the thoughts I had been having. Over the course of the last few days I had found myself swimming in them, almost immersed in them as I paddled and steered my new course. I did feel lost but something inside me knew that eventually I would be found. Perhaps by my children, maybe by my husband, probably by me and most certainly by God. I had to be okay with that. Dabbing on some perfume made me happy to be a woman and smacking my lip glossed lips I knew I was ready to face the world one more time. Spinning around while I adjusted my necklace my eyes caught site of my newly dressed baby all shiny and fresh for church. He had wandered back into the bedroom looking for who knows what to plunder. Scooping him up into my arms I held him close under my chin and planted a lip gloss sticky kiss on his temple. Smiling, squirming, and giggling at my close proximity sniffles of love his little fingers flailed about with admiration for me and my antics. No matter who I became or what was to become I had my family, my big beautiful family. Things were different that was for sure.  Besides, who wanted to be the same old same old for the rest of their lives?  Setting down Z in his right fitting shirt I knew he was a reflection of my life.  Watching him toddle his way out the door I thought to myself that maybe I wasn't really lost, I just had to get used to the new outfit.